I recently received this comment in regard to my post “A Soft Place to Land”. I think I was grossly misunderstood. I was not taking about making life like one endless date! I was talking about making your home a haven for your husband. As woman we have a very unique ability to either make the home miserable or happy. I don’t see anything superficial about taking a few moments out of your day to make your husband (you know the person you claim to love above all others) feel welcome and loved upon his return home.

For every couple this will be different, and even day to day this will be different.

There have been many time I have handed Dadzoo the crying baby and I have gone and locked myself in the bedroom. Life happens. However if I did that every day he would soon come to resent it, instead on my bad days he quietly and happily takes over. As recently as two weeks ago Dadzoo came home and I was in bed with a migraine, he quietly made sure I was ok, asked if I needed anything, and then took care of the kids. Like I said, life happens.

Here is a quick run down of our evenings:

Dadzoo comes home, we have dinner. After dinner I supervise the older girls doing dishes while Dadzoo gets the little kids in the tub. He baths, dresses and puts the little ones to bed. I continue with cleaning up dinner and I get the older kids settled down with homework. Dadzoo will pick up the living room usually (without being asked) then he helps with homework where needed. After homework I will shoo the older girls to baths and bed while Dadzoo goes into his office to work on his web site or work on his side job (web consulting). Sounds like one big date doesn’t it! So how can 15 minutes of focusing on my husband, getting pretty for him, and making him feel special, hurt? How does this take away from the “real”? It doesn’t, it just makes your husband feel special for a few minutes in the business of the day.

“Love is not love if it can only respond to what is pretty, sweet, and self-gratifying.” I agree. Let me point out that a man is not going to open himself to his wife if she is naggy, critical, mean and easily offended. If she is loving, kind and soft you are going to really learn who your husband is and you will really learn what it is to love someone more than yourself.

To be kind, loving and soft doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be forceful when needed. A good marriage isn’t one where one partner dominates over the other. There have been many, many times I have been very forceful with my husband, and I always share my opinion with him. Sometimes I bet he wishes I wouldn’t so much! When you do kind acts for others it always comes back to you. When you treat your husband with kindness he will (unless he is a total creep) treat you kindly back. It might be in small simple ways, keep your eyes open, you will see them. Or bigger things, like flowers delivered to you, his wife, on Father’s Day.

I know this has been a huge long post. I am sorry; this subject sits very close to my heart. I hate to hear women belittling their husbands.

My husband has been going through some major therapy; it had been very emotional and hard for him. We, as a result have become very close as a couple. I wonder how different things would be if I were naggy, irritated, mean and demeaning. I am glad that I made this home a soft place for my husband to land. This is real life, I know real life, I live it and I have seen it in the eyes of my broken down husband, and I have felt it in his embrace.

It isn’t that hard to give your husband a soft place to land.