Service

Last week I lamented on facebook that I needed an extra night sleep.  The weekend before, one by one, my family fell sick, with a slight cold.  It was nothing major, Dadzoo missed a couple days of work and was up all night coughing which kept me up, along with the kids who needed tissues, water and some love during the night.  By the time Sunday night came around I was exhausted, just in time to feel that little tickle at the back of my throat indicating that is was my turn to be sick, and then then baby woke up with a little fever, I was up again, all night.  The next day wasn’t better, baby was sick and irritable, I spent most of the day holding and nursing her, by the time Tuesday came around I felt like the walking dead!  Now I don’t tell this story to complain.  I am a mother, this is what I do and I am happy to help my little ones, serving them is central to my life and I find a lot of satisfaction in that service.

But I was so tired, and I needed a break badly.  However Tuesday was a busy day, I was going to be gone a good portion of the day at an appointment in town and by the time I got home my children would be arriving with homework and a myriad of activities.  It was going to be one of those “survival” days, where you just do what needs to be done and forget about the extras (like sleep!).

As I was getting ready to leave the house for the day I got an e-mail from a good friend offering to bring dinner that night.  I felt a little funny about it at first.  It wasn’t like I was sick in bed and unable to make dinner for my family, why put this friend out just because I was a little tired?  Then the thought came to me “let her serve”.  I took a big gulp and told her that I would love dinner, and thanks.

Immediately my burdens felt lighter, I went about the day not having to think about dinner at all, it was wonderful.  When I got home from my appointment and got my kids off to their various activities or busy with homework, I found that I had almost an hour with nothing to do.  NOTHING to do…that never happens, especially at 4:30 in the afternoon, but I didn’t have to worry about making dinner that night so I was free, I was able to lay down and sleep for almost a full hour, when I woke I felt so refreshed and able to finish the evening tasks with renewed energy.

I am so grateful for a friend who didn’t suppress a prompting (and I know it was, our Heavenly Father is mindful of our struggles, however small they may seem) to serve.  I know she will be blessed for her act of charity in my behalf.

As I thought over my dear friend’s act of service I wondered about myself.  I thought back to the times when I was prompted to serve those around me, and I suppressed those thoughts and actions.  How many e-mail haven’t been sent, visits made, cookies given, hearts soothed and dinners shared.  Serving other spontaneously is very hard for me, the anxiety I struggle with has to do with people and social situations, for me to just take a dinner or make a phone call is extremely difficult, but I am finding that if I can push through the feelings of fear and anxiety (with help from my Heavenly Father) the feelings of love far surpass the feelings of fear.  As I have been pondering, praying and searching I have become convinced that one of the ways I am going to defeat this postpartum depression/anxiety and become the person I am suppose to be will be through serving others.